Don't Just Say You’re Sorry – Prove It

  The words, “I’m sorry” can get us out of trouble when we’ve done something wrong or hurt someone we care about but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing the other person that you are truly remorseful. Apologizing just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective way to apologize. In doing so the recipient of the apology will most likely see through you and realize that your apology is insincere. A sincere and well timed apology, however, will help to mend the relationship that was harmed by your words or actions.

The most important way to prove that you are truly sorry for hurting someone is to ensure that the hurtful action is not repeated. Apologizing over and over while continuing to make the same mistake shows that your apology is not really sincere. On the other hand if you really mean that you are sorry for an action you will take careful steps not to repeat this action. Apologizing for your actions is one thing but being cautious not to repeat your actions really proves that you are indeed sorry.

Being specific regarding the reason for your apology also really proves that you are sorry. Many people are quick to offer an apology when they realize someone is upset with them but often they don’t take the time to figure out why the other person is upset. Apologizing without stating the reason for the apology shows that you don’t understand the problem and that you aren’t sincere in your apology. This is not an effective way to make an apology. However, if you offer a specific reason for your apology you are proving that you understand what you did to hurt the other person and that do not want to repeat that action.

Another way to prove that your apology is authentic is to be sure to offer the apology in person. Having a third party speak to the person you have offended or apologizing via email or voice mail conveys a lack of caring. This kind of apology shows that you aren’t truly sorry for your actions. Meeting with the person face to face to have a sincere conversation and offer your apology is one way to really prove that you are sorry. It shows that you care enough about the other person to meet with them directly to try to make amends for your contributions to the disagreement.

In apologizing, if you want to prove that you really mean it, be careful not to place blame on the person you are apologizing to. Your apology is about telling the other person why you believe that you did something wrong. While they may have contributed to the situation, now is not the time to point out their faults. Instead take full responsibility for what you have done wrong. Accepting full responsibility for your actions and apologizing for them without placing blame on the other person will prove that your apology is sincere.

A genuine apology will also include telling the other person why your actions were wrong and how you intend to avoid hurting them in the future. Doing this proves to them not only that you understand you were wrong but that you understand why you were wrong. It also lets them know that you have already formulated a plan of action to ensure that this situation does not arise in the future.

 The timing of your apology can also help to prove that you really are sorry. Waiting too long to apologize may show that you don’t really care and that you are simply apologizing as an afterthought. An apology that is made too early may risk being ignored because the recipient of the apology is still too upset to listen to what you are saying. It’s important to give the other person a chance to vent their anger and calm down before rushing to apologize. After a reasonable amount of time approach them and let them know that you understand their anger and believe that it is justified and that you wanted to give them a chance to calm down before apologizing.

Sometimes it is not enough to simply apologize for your words or actions. It is often necessary to not only apologize but to also prove that your apology is sincere. A truly sincere apology proves that you are sorry by addressing the issue and acknowledging what you have done wrong while validating the other person’s right to be angry and addressing how you will avoid similar actions in the future.

LEADERSHIP AND MOTIVATION

The starting point of motivational leadership is to begin seeing yourself as a role model, seeing yourself as an example to others. See yourself as a person who sets the standards that others follow. A key characteristic of leaders is that they set high standards of accountability for themselves and for their behaviours. They assume that others are watching them and then setting their own standards by what they do. They, in fact, lead by example, just exactly as though someone were following them around, surreptitiously taking notes and photographs of their daily actions for others to see and act on.

Motivational leadership is based on the Law of Indirect Effort. According to this law, most things in human life are achieved more easily by indirect means than they are by direct means. You more easily become a leader to others by demonstrating that you have the qualities of leadership than you do by ordering others to follow your directions. Instead of trying to get people to emulate you, you concentrate on living a life that is so admirable that others want to be like you without your saying a word.

In business, there are several kinds of power. Two of these are ascribed power and position power.

Position power is the power that comes with a job title or position in any organization. If you become a manager in a company, you automatically have certain powers and privileges that go along with your rank. You can order people about and make certain decisions. You can be a leader whether or not anyone likes you.

Ascribed power is the power you gain because of the kind of person you are. In every organization, there are people who are inordinately influential and looked up to by others, even though their positions may not be high up on the organizational chart. These are the men and women who are genuine leaders because of the quality of the people they have become, because of their characters and their personalities.

Perhaps the most powerful of motivational leaders is the person who practices what is called “servant leadership.” Confucius said, “He who would be master must be servant of all.” The person who sees himself or herself as a servant, and who does everything possible to help others to perform at their best, is practicing the highest form of servant leadership.

TIME MANAGEMENT – (101)

Time management simply means managing yourself in order to accomplish your goals within the time available.

1.    “You are the same as you will be in five (5) years except for two things: the people you meet and the books you read.”

2.    “If I have eight (8) hours to cut down a tree, I would spend six (6) hours out of it to sharpen my axe.”         (Abraham Lincoln)

3.    Most people are concerned with doing THINGS RIGHT than with doing the RIGHT THINGS.     (Peter Drucker)

4.    Ask yourself: Will what I am doing right now help me achieve my goals?  If your answer is No, then switch to something that will contribute to your goal.

5.    Write out a weekly plan; Answer these 5 questions.

a.     What results do I intend to achieve this week?

b.    What must I do to get these results?

c.     What are the priorities?

d.    How much time will each activity require?

e.     When will I do each activity?

6.    A successful man is one who can give precise account of every minutes spent in his lifetime.         (Ahmed Sojobi)

7.    In anticipating your daily schedule, be sure to allow enough time for interruptions and other unscheduled events. Most of us allow at least 25% of the day for these interruptions. If you allow them in your day, you will be less frustrated when they occur.

8.    Also, allow for some quite time when you make yourself unavailable for an hour or so. Use this quite time to work on the important jobs that require concentration.

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Be Motivated To Be The Best You Can Be

What is motivation? Motivation is about something within you that is compelling you to move forward, to achieve a goal, to make progress in a task.

        Motivation gives no room for comparison because it makes you a master of yourself. The fuel that ignites the fire of self-mastery is self motivation and they result in self-discovery.

        The ability to discover yourself would help you discover your best and your limits. “ A man must learn that he cannot command things, but he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others; but that he can mold and master his own will: and things serve him who serves truth; people seek guidance of him who is master of himself”-James Allen-

It is crucial to understand that becoming one’s best can only be achieved by believing in one’s best.

Research has shown that comparison to others is futile and can dent one’s ability to becoming one’s best.

There is no more accurate measure for comparison than who you were yesterday, last week, last year, when you were at your best. Or perhaps you know who you can be based on your values, mission and purpose.

It is believed that nothing useful ever comes from comparison to others. Either you see yourself better than someone else and you get lazy or you see someone else better than you and feel like all your efforts have come to nothing.

It is actually a fool’s game to compare oneself to another person because none of us is inherently above or below the person next to us. We are who we are. No one among us is alike and the only direct and honest comparison is within you.

Illustrated below are 3 reasons you should accept you are your own best competitor and why you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.

1.  You will be self motivated:

Having an image of your most recent past limits is the best thing to push you to the next level. If you happen to get 40% last semester, then you can go for 80% this semester. Who cares about that guy next to you that had 90% or 100%? It doesn’t make any difference. Your own progress is all you need and it is right within you.

2.  You will always be your personal best:

If you commit to a higher standard of yourself every day, you will always be at the top of your game. And that game will only get better each day.

When Donald Trump went bankrupt, he was asked how it was become wealthy again, “He said the first time was by far the most difficult. Once you have done it, you know what’s possible and then it is just a matter of doing it again. Show yourself what you are capable of”.

3.  You will be your own coach:

Don’t worry about others, when it comes to progress, they don’t matter anyway. What matter is that we all have our unique dreams, goals, and desires. And then taking actions and building the habits necessary to live those dreams. No one else wants exactly what you want, and so why compare to them?

 “The path of the crowd is one flowing with the “Who’s better” mentality”.  -Robert Frost-

The question now is “After you have done your best, what else?”The answer is to be happy at your best.

Achieving progress is like driving a car. It is important to be observing the side views and the rear view but it is very bad to focus on these views, instead you focus on your front view in order to move forward.

    Success progress is pertinent to the illustration above in the sense that it is important to observe the progress of people coming behind us and beside us but not advisable to focus on these people and instead you focus on where you are going in order to achieve progress without distractions.

                                    Written by: Sojobi Ahmed Abiola

BSc. Electrical Electronics Engineering

Bells University of Technology Ota

300level.

2012(c)